so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
