we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
