Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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