oh god the rape fog is back!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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