I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
