I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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