holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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