Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
