On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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