Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
