Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
