I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
