i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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