We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
