i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
