Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
