I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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