Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
