How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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