Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
