Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
