i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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