Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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