I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize