if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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