Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I intend to get homeless drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize