We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
