we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
