my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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