I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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