the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
