Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
PANTIES FOUND
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
