Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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