the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
