So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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