I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
