JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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