At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
