Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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