you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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