Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
