I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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