I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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