Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
