I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
