im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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