How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
