Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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