I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
