I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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