all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
