I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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