The maid of honor just puked.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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