laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
