i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
