you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
