so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
