is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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