I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
