I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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