apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
