is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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