this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize