I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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