Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
