she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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