So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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