Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
