I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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