nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
