so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
